I love you but i can't...

(sometimes the worst things in life can come at the least expected times... even death is not but a solace) Tess:

i kno wur ignorin me

u dont like me anymore

Tess:

u've got a new girl na?

Nishath:

who said that?

Tess:

i kno i know iknow

Nishath:

who said that i got a new gal?

Tess:

i know!!!!!!!!!

Nishath:

c'mon how can i even do that such a sweetheart?

Tess:

i know

coz im not good enuf...

Nishath:

are u trying to put baselses allegations upon me

Tess:

ur looin for other grls

Nishath:

where am i looing for other gals in?

c'mon now dont do this to me

after all these years

u want to end our relationship on a baseless piece of allegation?

i can't believe it tess

for all the trouble i am taking to come and meet u in mumbai

this is what i get

Tess:

u dont how bad those lonely yrs nishath

u were after money,,....n other grls...u forgot all the promises u made before mariiage

Nishath:

i was just trying to support you and your children

thats why i made money

and the girl part

Tess:

my chilsdren?

Nishath:

those were just rumours...

Tess:

now they r my children?

Nishath:

started off to make a rift between us

our children darling

our chidren...

Tess:

u were mad abt money u wanted only money n nothin else

Nishath:

more than anything i wanted u

and that is why i married u in the first place

i am planning to let go off everything just to be with u

Tess:

u completely ignored me wen u got the whiff of easy money

Nishath:

anything and everything

Tess:

ur lyin

Nishath:

tess let me tell u

Tess:

in know u are

Nishath:

money goes

money comes

right now i am so bankrupt

Tess:

glad u realized tgat

Nishath:

that it is ma friends who are helping me

they just want me to get out of here and come to u somehow

they know i love u that much

and u do the same back

Tess:

bankrupt? is tat y u bought that solitaire for suzie?

Nishath:

and that should suffice us for all these hardships

suzie's solitaire was just purchased by me

it was a gift from her husband

Tess:

who paid for it?

y did u purchase it>?

Nishath:

he just took me along to choose it

Tess:

the whole town is talkin abt u n her

Nishath:

he was bad at selection

i just help people

Tess:

n u never bothered to buy somethn for me

Nishath:

it is not my fault that ppl talk shit abt me behind ma back

i told u darling

i am leaving everything and coming back to u

Tess:

never came n sat wid me wen i really needed u

Nishath:

i will surely get u something

i am here for u whenever u want me

i am all yours

the only need for u is to utter a single word...

and i am there

Tess:

i dont want anythn

neither ur money or whtevr

its too late nishath

Nishath:

so u r seeing someone else huh?

i knew it

the moment u started the fight i knew it

i knew u wanted the divorce to happen

Tess:

no im not....do not even for a sec think im like u

Nishath:

all this drama just to get ma wealth

and u to run away with ur secret lover

i know u evil woman

Tess:

i cud have walked out any minut i wanted...but stayed coz i loved u.....

and hoped u'd come back

Nishath:

if u had loved me

u would be here with me

in my time of trouble

Tess:

i was thr....

Nishath:

but all u did was to allege me in having extra marital affairs

and all the bull

Tess:

ur accident...who took care of u?.......

Nishath:

why tess

why are u doing this to me

Tess:

u think i'll ever be able to love someone else?

Nishath:

dont u know how much i love u?

sorry tess

Tess:

u never showed it

Nishath:

i think it is time for me to leave

i think god is asking me to be with him

Tess:

sorry wont get a dead cat back to life

ur answerable to everythn i missed out on life

Nishath:

i think it's time i left the face of this world

no more shall i be a loser

Tess:

wat????

dont....

i love u nishath...

Nishath:

no more need i be of trouble to anyone

Tess:

cant live without u....

plz dont do somethn stupid

Nishath:

anything and everything that is mine is written on ur name

Tess:

i live for u

Nishath:

and the children

take care of them

Tess:

i dont want anythn...I WANT YOU

Nishath:

adieu my love...

adieu

Why?

(Maybe she's gone through the same shit. A possible pardoxical expression of life for putting up with so much. My friend Mukz, at her best again...)

Why is it all about mistakes?
Will there ever be a world beyond?
Where love prevails and evil fails
Will there ever be a heaven on earth?

Will there be a man acknowledged
for being rich at heart and pure in soul?
With cures for heal and pity to feel
Will there ever be a heaven on earth?

Will there be a bird that flies
far in to the skies, far away from cries?
Without its wings folded, or clipped away
Will there ever be a heaven on earth?

by - Mukta Jayanth

When?

It’s been long since I have written anything here. Maybe its high time I came back to being my old self. Well 2008 has been a mixed year for me all this while. Beginning October last year I though that I was having a dream run. The thing about dreams is, they don’t last long. In the same manner it did not last long enough for me. At the start of October, I had a job, had a gal who loved me to the deepest, ma dad was back home, happy family, everything seemed too perfect. Too perfect, like as if it was the calm before the storm. And just as it was predicted the storm arrived, in the process of me doing stupid things. Things have not been good ever since. And so, the run to 2008 has bought along everything and anything that can be classified as nothing less than failure. The will that stood by me when everything else seemed to be lost was also given up. There has not been a day that has seen me wake up to being a happy self.
My room’s in a mess. The fan needs cleaning. My tables messed up. If I am doing something, then it is on the computer, either browsing the net, chatting with my friends, listening to music, watching some sitcom, watching some movie or some other thing that is not gonna help me in the future in no matter what way possible. My food intake has also been messed up. Even though I tried to head to the gym, after ma mom head off to spend the holidays with ma dad, that has also taken a backstage. I don’t know where ma old self is. Like it’s said, lost in the annals of history somewhere, somehow. But there is also the option of going back someday. But the question still remains – when?

Food, Just Food...

I come from a small town down south, in God’s Own Country, by the name of Calicut (also known as Kozhikode). This place may be known to the country as the place where Vasco De Gama landed or as of recently, one of the few places that has an IIM. To talk of, this place boasts of some of the best cuisines in the entire state. This place is known for its biriyani, banana chips, halwa and so many more. Each dish that is prepared around here has a story behind it, and to tell so, there are loads. And if you have not had enough, then I think you should head down more north of Kerala, to the French part and beyond – Mahe, Thalassery and Kannur.

But you can do that only after visiting this beautiful city of Calicut. And as you people are kinda the dhaba people, I have to suggest you this awesome place right next to where I live – Eranhipalam. I must have been to a lot of places in and around the southern states of India, but I can bet you that you will never have such food as you have from the dhabha opposite the Eranhipalam mosque. It doesn’t even have a name. But once it’s evening, then you can see loads of people around it. Maybe just to at least have a snack or tea. Their specialty lays in the dosas and the piece masalas (green pea’s sautéed with duck or chicken egg). But they also have other specialties like the chicken bondas (boiled potato stuffing), chicken pakodas and many more snacks here and there. Well that is one of the few places you can visit. Well I forgot to tell you, all these are on the highway as well.

Anywho, as I was saying, there is also the iconic Bombay restaurant, where even superstars of the Malayalam film industry go to eat. It is next to the beach and provides you with wide varieties of biriyanis – chicken, fish, beef and many more local delicacies. Then there is the Rahmath hotel, which has by far the best beef biriyani in town. And then I can cite as many places for you people to go to have different types of biriyanis. If you want to try out the seafood platter, I would like to mention to you people the Sea Queen restaurant as well as the Paragon restaurant. Also if you want to check out all the various Muslim Ramadan time delicacies, then I would ask you to please visit the Zain restaurant, which can also be found close to the beach. All these places are quite affordable, and within the common man’s budget. Did you know that the recipe behind the biriyani was got from the Arabs who used to come here to trade during olden times? If you are available, then you can see fresh fish being bought in from the sea, if you are early risers. There’s no stopping me if I continue. So I hope you people will be interested in this little town of ours. And you can still fill your stomach on the way, when you go more north, towards the Kasargod side or down south, towards the capital of Kerala. But if its food you are looking for, then I think I would ask you people to head north after Calicut.

The Date: 26th December 2004

Little Raju was asleep in his little cot in the sleepy little town of Velankanni in Tamil Nadu. The time: 5.30am. Mother Thresia was up and awake to go for the morning prayers. She slept beside the 30-40 other children in the orphanage of mother Velankanni. She loved all of God's children. But she likes Raju the best. It was not because he was the most innocent of them all; it was only because he was the youngest of them all. He was 7 years old. And he had been living in this orphanage for the past 7 years. This meant that he was left to his own; from the time he arrived on mother earth.

The town was coming to life. It was the day after Christmas, and there was no lack of bustle. The fishermen were gathering their nets and getting ready to leave their loved ones behind and go and live with their second mother at sea. The time: 6.30am. Raju had risen, brushed his teeth, combed his hair and even finished prayers with his other friends at the orphanage. Little Raju liked living in the orphanage. He never felt isolated. He had all the love he ever needed. He also liked Mother Thresia very much. Raju decided to go and play. Since there was no one as young as him in the orphanage, he went all alone to the beach and started playing with the sand.

The time: 7.29am. Mother was calling from the distance asking Raju to come and have his breakfast. Raju never disobeys. So he listens to mother Thresia's orders and goes as fast as possible and has his breakfast. It was the meager one, but it was all they could have. Raju never complained about the food or about the amount of anything he received. He received very little, since the orphanage could offer only little. After the breakfast, Raju runs back to his favorite spot on the beach- A secluded area covered with shells. So again Raju begins to play Alone.

The time 8.23. Raju feels bored. He has had enough of playing with the shells, sand and water. That was when raju noticed something strange with the beach. All the fishermen had left for the sea. This was a usual site. But there was something that caught Raju's eyes. He looked around. There were seagulls and other sea birds, of which he didn’t even know the name coming away from the sea, calling each other in their own specific reverberation. This was strange and it had not occurred ever before in his short time of two years he had spent in the beach playing. Also he noticed that the crabs were hurrying away from their homes beneath the sand and were heading inland. A small crab even scurried over his legs. But Raju did not budge. He decided to go back to the orphanage. He was getting scared. He wanted to see mother. He wanted to be in her hands and may be even go to sleep in her lap.

The time: 9.00am. Raju cannot find mother. He goes on roaming all around the orphanage. That was when sister Daisy told him that mother Thresia had gone along with father Marcos to see an ailing patient. Raju was frightened but he did not want to show it out to anyone else other than mother Thresia. Gathering up all the courage that was left in him, he decides to head back to the beach. Little Raju reaches his secluded little place and decides to build something with the sand. But then his eyes wander of to the distance of the sea. Something was eating up the sea. All the waves were disappearing. The bed of sea was coming into site. Raju moved a step or back. He looked at the astonishing site and spoke out none. He wanted to know who had eaten up the sea. So he stepped forward and brought out his hand and held it above the eye, so that he could see as far as possible. He moved forward slowly. That was when he saw something huge making its way back on to the beach at very high speed: A WAVE. A wave so tall that he had never seen anything like it ever before. He decides to run and hide in the church, for mother had always told him that, if you are ever in doubt or if ever you are in need in help, ask to the Lord and he shall provide. But the tiny feet took its last few steps, and then…………………………..

The time: 10.00am. The town that was, didn’t seem to exist. The water had swept away all and spared none. Lord had helped none and punished all. The beach was gone, its people ruined. And as for little raju, the lord had him in his hands.