I am glad I had this year

Just a month to go before the end of the year and I still can’t believe that I haven’t written a single word on this blog. Like a lot lost this year, I think this labour of love too has gone to waste. 

I think it has a lot to do with the year. Have you ever had a year when you simply hated and loved it for some reason? 2014 was that year for me. It has been the topsiest-turviest time of my life ever, yet.

Again I emphasize the use of the word ‘yet’, because just when you think life couldn’t get any sweeter or worse, something to its extreme happens.  But all through this, you are subject to a lot of life lessons. I have learned mine. I am glad I had this year.

Thanksgiving just passed by. Although an American tradition, I believe each of us should have a thanksgiving ever year. We do not take the time to appreciate the itty-bitty details of life. I have given thanks in silence and else to them those who matter. I am glad I had this year.

We have been blinded by our own privileges. Until tragedy strikes or the untoward happens we stick to the pattern, accepting everything in a devil-may-care attitude. At my worst self, I had the support I never felt before, reassuring all is never lost. I am glad I had this year.

It was a good year to cut out on those souls who you made it a point to stay in touch but didn’t bother about anything else but them. I’ve learnt to give and receive nothing. I am glad I had this year.

Families come in all shapes and sizes. The year which began with the small world of ours has grown bigger, warmer and brighter. It has just reaffirmed my belief in love, faith and trust. I am glad I had this year.

I am not a person anymore. I am a ‘we’. Life hasn’t altered, planets haven’t misaligned and the world is as wonderful as ever. I am glad I had this year.

No matter the good or the bad, you know you have moved on. You have had your experiences, frustrations, exultations – but none of that matters until you thank your stars and say I am glad I had this year.

q&a

mj wrote:

Its funny to think about the effect that some people can have on you. They effect you in such a way that you never know how you're going to react to it and thats what surprises you about yourself!
Someone wise told me that all you need to survive in this world are a hard heart, the ability to 'kiss-ass', a competitive spirit and tons of ambition. Now someone please correct me if im wrong- Napoleon was poisoned; Caesar was stabbed; Hitler committed suicide and even Mahatma Gandhi though different from all these 'so-called qualities' was assassinated.
So now there are only two conclusions: 1: The person who told me was completely dumb and 2: You never know what life is going to throw at you so give up trying to be completely ready because life is something that happens to you after you have made all your fool-proof plans!



i answered :

there is a contradictory notion in what you have written and i am glad that i have got this platform to comment upon it... you begin by telling that someone wise told u so and so... but then at the same time you say the person is dumb... this is amply confusing...

now then the names you have mentioned before... all these people that you have mentioned in the list are all the biggest ass kissers in the world...i even include the mahatma in this... (hope no one takes this into offense) they would not have reached there where they have reached if they hadn't kissed... i totally agree with the fact they were poisoned, stabbed, assassinated or killed themselves... but have u wondered why? don't u think the power they had at hand was more than they could handle... in a small way don't u think a little enthusiasm over the board made them lose the way? (i am barring the Mahatma from all this, k?) i mean if they were to have a little control of themselves... then they could have ruled over this world... such people don't survive... personally kissing ass people make it into the real world... but one who can kiss ass and keep their mouth shut survive in this world... sadly though gratefully neither napolean, caesar or hitler was able to do that... so point to be noted...


and who speaks abt life? no one knows whats in store for them... but one has to know how to brace urself... u get thrown in the sea? what do u do? u thrash around... you move ur arms and legs... u work till u teach urself how to swim... it's always like that... i don't think anyone would have planned on their life in any way... even the so called "wise dumb" person would say that... coz life is what we thought yesterday that is today and today that is tomorrow... full of surprises... hope i've made the point clear out there as well...

and as for the writing... i think i've already told u abt the crisper aspect... write on... ;)

when everyone's not there

“We need others. We need others to love and we need to be loved by them.
There is no doubt that without it, we too, like the infant left alone, would cease
to grow, cease to develop, choose madness and even death.” - Leo Buscaglia

Do you know the feeling of being invisible? The thought of being in denial aplenty? What do you do then? Sit quiet? Listen passively? Or react adversely? Haven't all of you been through this phase once in ur life?

The time and pain you take in realizing someone else's dream is far from the sight of the person that you are doing it for. What then? Is it required to live for someone who is living without a dot of appreciation?

Even when everyone knows that the only person around you who can make you feel better is not there for you, won't you feel alone? Won't you crave for a bit of company? I wonder how many of you ever felt so?

The breeze that flows around has seen a lot. It whispers in my ear from time to time. I can hear it say. It gave me hopes and smiles. Even in my solitude, i wish for a company. For now the wind has gone. For now, i have lost.

Mirrored Mirage

I’m a thief
By means all I say not
I’m unimagined
I’m the dark in the white
The black in the light
I’m the hole in the gap
If I was right
Then why am I wrong?
Is in me then,
The cause of worry?
Across, afar
I come see a mirror
A presentiment abides
In what I see
I am a thief
I shall not know why.

The Zahoor Effect

Well as you know it’s the time of Ramadan. It brings with itself a self revelation among the people to be good, do good and be cheerful. I think I have always believed it that if there is a change for the good and it should always be for the best (which means it should stay on forever and not for just one month. *tsk* *tsk* like for example now - where they are all goody goody, just to get back into the same old shoe after a month)

Well it was just another day in the month of Ramadan for me today. At around 9 at night, I called up ma friend Nawab and asked him as to where he was. He asked me to join him at the beach. Now Calicut beach is quite picturesque (I mean ‘chick’wise as well as the surrounding wise). So I did not think twice before finding myself at the ‘walk’ in the beach.

There were three of us sitting there – Nawab, Zahoor (his friend) and myself. Both are Afghani’s. So there we were on the beach ‘walk’ sitting on the side wall between a calm beach and some lazy cows on the interlocks (it’s India after all, who did u expect to be on the interlocks?) Well there were quite a lot of cattle on the beach for today. But there were more people than the cattle (thank God).

Zahoor decides to call his girlfriend (an Afghani – been just here for a few years – even he’s gotten lucky, damn… mera number kab ayega?) But she doesn’t pick it up. And he asks me –

“You tell me one thing. I find this really strange. I mean I call girls at 9 or 10. They don’t pick up. But they have no problem talking after 11 or midnight. I sometimes get miss calls at 2 past midnight”

What could I answer?

I laughed. Told him – it might be strange to you. But that’s how it rolls here in Calicut. (Maybe you girls out there can help answer that better)

And then he had quite a few other doubts. He was like a refreshing breeze to the stagnant life that we lived off here. There was laughter. He spoke of the time when he got slapped by a girl. The times he had out here in Kerala. The differences in the colleges in and around Calicut. I can tell you this – he has a better understanding of the people of Calicut than even me. He has a solution for everything. You know why? Coz he receives anything with an open smile. No stress, nothing at all. Come what may, go what may, he lives each moment to the max. I wished to be him for a moment there.

No moment was dull. The Zahoor effect changed my perspective on life a bit – live life, love life.

When?

It’s been long since I have written anything here. Maybe its high time I came back to being my old self. Well 2008 has been a mixed year for me all this while. Beginning October last year I though that I was having a dream run. The thing about dreams is, they don’t last long. In the same manner it did not last long enough for me. At the start of October, I had a job, had a gal who loved me to the deepest, ma dad was back home, happy family, everything seemed too perfect. Too perfect, like as if it was the calm before the storm. And just as it was predicted the storm arrived, in the process of me doing stupid things. Things have not been good ever since. And so, the run to 2008 has bought along everything and anything that can be classified as nothing less than failure. The will that stood by me when everything else seemed to be lost was also given up. There has not been a day that has seen me wake up to being a happy self.
My room’s in a mess. The fan needs cleaning. My tables messed up. If I am doing something, then it is on the computer, either browsing the net, chatting with my friends, listening to music, watching some sitcom, watching some movie or some other thing that is not gonna help me in the future in no matter what way possible. My food intake has also been messed up. Even though I tried to head to the gym, after ma mom head off to spend the holidays with ma dad, that has also taken a backstage. I don’t know where ma old self is. Like it’s said, lost in the annals of history somewhere, somehow. But there is also the option of going back someday. But the question still remains – when?

The Power of Failure

And then when u think all is right, looks like there is something missing from life. I've had my share of failures and success. But what each one has taught me is that there is always more you can do to improve yourself. Yesterday i went and apologized to a friend whom i had pestered for quite some time. And i actually felt good about it. I am the kind of person who gets angry very easily and after yesterday it seemed like i could actually be more of human than of the beast i am at the moment with most of the people around me. Life can take you places, show you things and even make you smile. But then again it can also teach you all at the same time. Maybe i am not the person who should be saying this at all. But then again, there could be no better person.