Sax: Do you cry?
Me: Yes I do.
But why?
There are a number of things I miss.
I miss the smell of fresh earth after a brief spell of rain. All I can smell now are the asphalt road, cemented gullies and overflowing drains. And I cry.
I miss the late night coffee mom makes after dinner. Now I drink water – mineralized and chlorinated, I think I hear the walls of my wall erode. And I cry.
I miss the cold wind on my face as I drive through NH17. Here, I move at the speed of snail, unaware of the man pushing men to meet ends needs. And I cry.
I miss the warmth of friends, embracing each emotion as being their own. At present, I wait every night, hoping for a virtual hug over optical cable and satellite signals. Not warm. But someone cares. And I cry.
I miss the solitude of the blue room. I miss the redwood bed. I miss the green gdrej. I miss the antique computer. I miss the world map covered table.
I miss home. I miss love. I cry.
Saturday, November 21, 2009
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Just My Luck
If I were to see
From land across sea,
A beautiful lass
Would come across me
Jet black hair
Would reach the rear
With a lock
On the bosom dock
Starlit eyes
Shine the night skies
Even doused lights
Wouldn’t lose her bright
The lips spoke
As little talk
An angel’s voice
She shared the poise
Alas it goes
Seen but a pose
My wife awoke
Looking nothing like the rose
From land across sea,
A beautiful lass
Would come across me
Jet black hair
Would reach the rear
With a lock
On the bosom dock
Starlit eyes
Shine the night skies
Even doused lights
Wouldn’t lose her bright
The lips spoke
As little talk
An angel’s voice
She shared the poise
Alas it goes
Seen but a pose
My wife awoke
Looking nothing like the rose
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Delhi in Dubai is also Dubai in Delhi
A month into this venture of unknown north capital has bought me in touch with a bachelor life that is quite reminiscent of the life of the working labour class in the land of black gold in the gulf. My references to the Middle East coming due to the fact that it has the highest number of Indians working as labourers; and having experienced their lives up, close and personal. I can clearly remember walking into a bachelor’s quarter in Dubai to meet some of my Uncle’s friends as early as 2006. To paint a picture of the life there – six hard working people, living together under one roof, with bunk beds to save space and their own personal space spread over just a few centimetres. It was really a sight worth its weight in pity that I could not keep myself from shedding a tear or two.
Fast forward three years, and here in Delhi I have seen the same thing happening all over again. Just that most of the people who live in such homes are the students doing their higher studies in the umpteen number of colleges and universities present here. It is worth applauding how each day is spent by them out here. I am lucky enough to say that I have lived with them these past two weeks and am looking forward to living with them the coming two more years. We have teachers over here, who go on speaking about as to why we are not able to live up to their expectations and how they too have a life of their own and how they have a family to care about and how they are so hard working. But to tell the truth, they don’t know anything and I can vouch you for that. If they have experienced what troubles the students go through here, then their extended speeches about being on time and adjusting to timings will surely vanish without a trace. I extend my heartiest welcome to any faculty over here, who live a life of normal luxuries to spend just a day with us. I take this platform to shout out that it is quite hard adjusting to life out here and for once someone would take up to understanding the poor students out here and give them the respect that they deserve.
Well I guess I am going over the top, but my message stays vindicated.
Friday, August 14, 2009
A week and not much Dilli dallying.
It’s been exactly a week since I have been to the nation’s capital. There are a lot of things I am missing out here. And at the same time, there are some things that I am getting to know more about right here. For example, the presence of the pitter patter of raindrops is something that I miss very much. But I think it is one of the things that I have to take into being when I decided that I would be coming down to study here. Delhi can be so dry, that it reminds me a lot of my days in Muscat – hot, humid, and dry. But there was some respite yesterday, when there were gentle showers for barely around 15 minutes. But that didn’t do anything to bring the dryness down over here. It merely increased the humidity, and made me more than wanting to head back to the lush green lands of Kerala.
My days so far have been subjected to hours and hours back to back on the TV, flipping through the limited English channels and the occasional regional ones (of which there are only two – you know just to keep in touch with what’s happening back at home). That is incidentally also the time that I heard about the death of one of the most eminent actors of our time – Mr. Murali, who has acted in almost all the available film industries in the south. I take this moment to give my salutations and may his soul rest in peace. He was a brilliant theatre personality, actor, writer and much more, but the most important of all – a wonderful human being.
By the time you must be reading this, I imagine I must have got to some internet connection, but save for the first couple of days, I have been cut off from the world of internet (which is kind of weird for me, considering the fact that I have been addicted to it 24/7 for the past year and a half). I haven’t mentioned as of yet to where I am right?
I am currently at the Delhi cantonment, under the very amicable and warm Colonel Vinod, who happened to be a senior of my uncle during his college days. The life out here pretty much very much simplified. I can get up any time of the day. Breakfast, lunch and dinner will be served at exactly the right times, when it will be bought in perfect tiffins and they will be hot and piping. To beat the heat, I’ve got myself air conditioning. To entertain I’ve got a TV, and basically that is all I’ve been doing all this while – watch TV and some more TV and then some more TV. With internet connection going down the drain, it has become particularly difficult for me to contact with the outside world as well, since my mobile connection is that of Kerala circle, and i am charged for incoming calls at the moment. So I have to see to it that I don’t talk for more than a couple of minutes to anyone who calls (except that there can be quite some exceptions, if you know what I mean). That’s all for my lonely and sad life out here. Wait till next time to hear more.
Thursday, March 12, 2009
My 25
1. I am a small time poet and I attribute it all to ma friends - Ashwin G., Akthar and Vaisakh - with whom I co-wrote our first poem - The Solitary Eater, which was inspired by the poem - The Solitary Reaper. Although the latter is a melancholic poem, ours made fun of a fat boy in our class. But he took it in the right sense. And as they say... there was no turning back after that. ;) I've with me around 60 odd poems on a variety of topics.
2. I'd always wished for two things since ma school days into ma college years - to be a part of a sports team or play for a band. I must have tried out almost all the sports, starting from football in ISWK, to running the 5000, 10000, the marathon in MES to cricket in college! I also tried with the school band. But all I was able to be was be a part of the choir. In college the first two years, I stayed close to the college band, coz somebody i liked was in the band ;) But who would know ma luck, in the final year, I jokingly said that I would be more than willing to play the bass guitar since there was no one else to play it. We went on to win the B-Zone, the inter zone and now heading towards the south zone, got a program on A.I.R, played at more than five venues! Luck by chance? Thank ya God!
3. The craziest trip we ever had in school was the first trip we took out in our 11th grade. 8 friends, 4 bikes. 1 major accident, some pretty close shaves later - we learnt whatever we had to in that very first trip we had. Especially of the fact that we should atleast have some money at hand. Bee tee dblew - this was the first time in ma life that ma entire life ever flashed before me, while the bike threw me off in the air to do a double sommersault and land smack in the middle of the road! The only thing broken? My Casio watch - that too just its glass!
4. I love cooking! Some might think of it as being really girlish and all, but should i remind you of some of the best chefs in the world? All MALE! Anywho ma speciality lies in spaghetti with tomato sauce and meatballs, fried rice, "mutta mala" (literally translates into egg chain) (a speciality sweet of the malabar region of kerala) and payasam. What say people, care for some meal a day?
5. I hate people who lie. I mean I literally loathe them. There are so many instances when I know that people are lying, but they won’t even stop after that. So this to all you liars out there – stay clear of me, coz I wouldn’t like to be a friend of yours. And it hurts the most when friends lie! I have made it a point not to lie. You either say something truthfully or u quit! Not saying anything is also hiding a lie!
6. I just totally love ma friends and are glad that they are around. You mean so much to me. They are like the most awesomest thing that could ever happen to me. And the fact that all of them are in like a thousand directions around me, makes me proud of em.
7. There are umpteen number of best days in ma life. If I were to start writing them here, I don’t think I would cover them all. And in the end I might miss out on some of the most fanfabulous days.
8. I’ve hated college life, atleast till now – that is graduation and I am glad that I am leaving this place at the earliest. But I loved ma school life, that is atleast till the tenth standard. It was unbelievable.
9. One thing you have to know about me – I am very short tempered. I can go ballistic over the smallest of things and this has gotten me into trouble quite a few times. But I am working over it, and ma friends play a huge part into relaxing me down. Otherwise I am a quiet person.
10. I don’t think I’ve loved somebody like I last loved. And it will take me bloody some while to ever, if there is an ever to get over it. BLOODY HELL A LOT!
11. I burnt both my thighs and the adjoining areas when I was just five years old in Muscat. It happened when I accidentally pulled the vessel containing hot boiling water filled with vicks (used during colds, the old technique). It was night, and ma dad immediately took me to the bathroom, poured cold water, and pulled down ma shorts along with the skin coming with it. Fortunately, ma uncle who was a pharmacist had come down from Salalah and he had some medicine with him. It was applied and then I was taken to the hospital. I can remember that the next one month was a two way transportation between the hospital and home, with ma bandages being changed everyday.
12. I am an ardent fan of sitcoms. I must have watched FRIENDS like a gajillion times. Same is the case with scrubs, how I met your mother, the big bang theory and so many more. I can go on a marathon any given time of the year watching reruns after reruns of all these shows. Provided I am stacked with enough snacks and drinks to keep me on the couch.
13. If there is one place I would love to retire at, I think it would be right here in Calicut with a beachfront house and some peace and quiet. This place can literally translate into – retirees pradise. (no, there ain’t nothing hip happening out here)
14. I love movies and music. You can find me glued on to any kinda movies. You name the genre I will watch it – classic, world, thriller, action, romance, noire, musical, comedy etc etc. Ask me to name one favourite from each? You’d better take up the library details from ur nearest rent shop coz I got gajillions of ‘em. Ben hur, the sound of music, die hard, gladiator, bruce almighty, seven samurai, forrest gump, made of honor, the exorcist… the list would go on and on and on….
15. I am a very bossy person and I can really really really very badly hurt a person emotionally. But I guess I can also be the first one to go and apologize. But what use after hurting someone so badly, right? I shall do ma best to restrain myself from doing so in the future. But if I do too, I am really sorry coz that’s who I am. Deepest apologies.
16. I love going on road trips, especially on bikes. Especially if it is all out of the blue. My friend, Vaisakh calls me up one afternoon and asks me if I want to ride down with him to Bangalore. Voila, by evening we are on the road! And by midnight, in Bangalore. This happened quite often if u ask me. ;)
17. I’ve lived 13 years of ma life in Muscat, Oman. And the rest 8 in Calicut, India. I’ve juggled schools between ISWK, Hill Top and MES. Couldn’t do that with the college! Just one grand old lady I’ve studied at – MCC (a hundred year old college right in the heart of Calicut!)
18. I love gardening and keeping an aquarium. I guess I caught this habit from ma dad. He put me in charge of the tank with atleast five huge fishes in them since I was around 7 years old I guess. And ma dad always likes to have the money plant around, and loves to grow different kind of flowers. The former I haven’t been able to do properly, coz I really need a huge aquarium, kinda like the one that we had in Muscat, and the latter, I am working on at the moment. Greening day by day.
19. A close friend of mine told me that she would put up this at the same time that I did. But turns out waiting for her, I actually never finished mine, while she has already put up hers. I am seriously out of points out here people, so I had to put up some crap.
20. I just read in the newspaper recently about such kinda notes. They say that most of these notes are totally embarrassing to the ones who put it up. I guess truth can be a lil embarrassing. Wanna know some embarrassing stuff about me? I’ve had just one date in ma entire life (legitimate), i’m afraid of cockroaches, ma friends came home one day and pulled down ma pants when I had no undergarments inside. Ok u can’t get me more embarrassed than that! ;)
21. The worst day of ma life. When I spent one day at the police station. Not in lock up, but still in the Police Station!
22. I love blogging and half my time is spent in front of the computer. A day has 24 hours. You can find me online at least 12 hours of it. When I have practically nothing to do at all, I guess u can find me the entire day on it. Chatting. Networking. Socializing. Browsing. You name it. I am doing it.
23. I’ve made a lot of sacrifices.
24. Ma role model is ma dad. He is like superman to me. If there is an autobiography I would like to publish, it would be his. His life story is just plain amazing!
25. People who know me have always associated me with three words – Always Keep Smiling! That is the message that I would like to convey across to all of u too. No matter how hard times turn out to be, there is always a silver lining, so always keep smiling!
Well that’s that and that’s all.
2. I'd always wished for two things since ma school days into ma college years - to be a part of a sports team or play for a band. I must have tried out almost all the sports, starting from football in ISWK, to running the 5000, 10000, the marathon in MES to cricket in college! I also tried with the school band. But all I was able to be was be a part of the choir. In college the first two years, I stayed close to the college band, coz somebody i liked was in the band ;) But who would know ma luck, in the final year, I jokingly said that I would be more than willing to play the bass guitar since there was no one else to play it. We went on to win the B-Zone, the inter zone and now heading towards the south zone, got a program on A.I.R, played at more than five venues! Luck by chance? Thank ya God!
3. The craziest trip we ever had in school was the first trip we took out in our 11th grade. 8 friends, 4 bikes. 1 major accident, some pretty close shaves later - we learnt whatever we had to in that very first trip we had. Especially of the fact that we should atleast have some money at hand. Bee tee dblew - this was the first time in ma life that ma entire life ever flashed before me, while the bike threw me off in the air to do a double sommersault and land smack in the middle of the road! The only thing broken? My Casio watch - that too just its glass!
4. I love cooking! Some might think of it as being really girlish and all, but should i remind you of some of the best chefs in the world? All MALE! Anywho ma speciality lies in spaghetti with tomato sauce and meatballs, fried rice, "mutta mala" (literally translates into egg chain) (a speciality sweet of the malabar region of kerala) and payasam. What say people, care for some meal a day?
5. I hate people who lie. I mean I literally loathe them. There are so many instances when I know that people are lying, but they won’t even stop after that. So this to all you liars out there – stay clear of me, coz I wouldn’t like to be a friend of yours. And it hurts the most when friends lie! I have made it a point not to lie. You either say something truthfully or u quit! Not saying anything is also hiding a lie!
6. I just totally love ma friends and are glad that they are around. You mean so much to me. They are like the most awesomest thing that could ever happen to me. And the fact that all of them are in like a thousand directions around me, makes me proud of em.
7. There are umpteen number of best days in ma life. If I were to start writing them here, I don’t think I would cover them all. And in the end I might miss out on some of the most fanfabulous days.
8. I’ve hated college life, atleast till now – that is graduation and I am glad that I am leaving this place at the earliest. But I loved ma school life, that is atleast till the tenth standard. It was unbelievable.
9. One thing you have to know about me – I am very short tempered. I can go ballistic over the smallest of things and this has gotten me into trouble quite a few times. But I am working over it, and ma friends play a huge part into relaxing me down. Otherwise I am a quiet person.
10. I don’t think I’ve loved somebody like I last loved. And it will take me bloody some while to ever, if there is an ever to get over it. BLOODY HELL A LOT!
11. I burnt both my thighs and the adjoining areas when I was just five years old in Muscat. It happened when I accidentally pulled the vessel containing hot boiling water filled with vicks (used during colds, the old technique). It was night, and ma dad immediately took me to the bathroom, poured cold water, and pulled down ma shorts along with the skin coming with it. Fortunately, ma uncle who was a pharmacist had come down from Salalah and he had some medicine with him. It was applied and then I was taken to the hospital. I can remember that the next one month was a two way transportation between the hospital and home, with ma bandages being changed everyday.
12. I am an ardent fan of sitcoms. I must have watched FRIENDS like a gajillion times. Same is the case with scrubs, how I met your mother, the big bang theory and so many more. I can go on a marathon any given time of the year watching reruns after reruns of all these shows. Provided I am stacked with enough snacks and drinks to keep me on the couch.
13. If there is one place I would love to retire at, I think it would be right here in Calicut with a beachfront house and some peace and quiet. This place can literally translate into – retirees pradise. (no, there ain’t nothing hip happening out here)
14. I love movies and music. You can find me glued on to any kinda movies. You name the genre I will watch it – classic, world, thriller, action, romance, noire, musical, comedy etc etc. Ask me to name one favourite from each? You’d better take up the library details from ur nearest rent shop coz I got gajillions of ‘em. Ben hur, the sound of music, die hard, gladiator, bruce almighty, seven samurai, forrest gump, made of honor, the exorcist… the list would go on and on and on….
15. I am a very bossy person and I can really really really very badly hurt a person emotionally. But I guess I can also be the first one to go and apologize. But what use after hurting someone so badly, right? I shall do ma best to restrain myself from doing so in the future. But if I do too, I am really sorry coz that’s who I am. Deepest apologies.
16. I love going on road trips, especially on bikes. Especially if it is all out of the blue. My friend, Vaisakh calls me up one afternoon and asks me if I want to ride down with him to Bangalore. Voila, by evening we are on the road! And by midnight, in Bangalore. This happened quite often if u ask me. ;)
17. I’ve lived 13 years of ma life in Muscat, Oman. And the rest 8 in Calicut, India. I’ve juggled schools between ISWK, Hill Top and MES. Couldn’t do that with the college! Just one grand old lady I’ve studied at – MCC (a hundred year old college right in the heart of Calicut!)
18. I love gardening and keeping an aquarium. I guess I caught this habit from ma dad. He put me in charge of the tank with atleast five huge fishes in them since I was around 7 years old I guess. And ma dad always likes to have the money plant around, and loves to grow different kind of flowers. The former I haven’t been able to do properly, coz I really need a huge aquarium, kinda like the one that we had in Muscat, and the latter, I am working on at the moment. Greening day by day.
19. A close friend of mine told me that she would put up this at the same time that I did. But turns out waiting for her, I actually never finished mine, while she has already put up hers. I am seriously out of points out here people, so I had to put up some crap.
20. I just read in the newspaper recently about such kinda notes. They say that most of these notes are totally embarrassing to the ones who put it up. I guess truth can be a lil embarrassing. Wanna know some embarrassing stuff about me? I’ve had just one date in ma entire life (legitimate), i’m afraid of cockroaches, ma friends came home one day and pulled down ma pants when I had no undergarments inside. Ok u can’t get me more embarrassed than that! ;)
21. The worst day of ma life. When I spent one day at the police station. Not in lock up, but still in the Police Station!
22. I love blogging and half my time is spent in front of the computer. A day has 24 hours. You can find me online at least 12 hours of it. When I have practically nothing to do at all, I guess u can find me the entire day on it. Chatting. Networking. Socializing. Browsing. You name it. I am doing it.
23. I’ve made a lot of sacrifices.
24. Ma role model is ma dad. He is like superman to me. If there is an autobiography I would like to publish, it would be his. His life story is just plain amazing!
25. People who know me have always associated me with three words – Always Keep Smiling! That is the message that I would like to convey across to all of u too. No matter how hard times turn out to be, there is always a silver lining, so always keep smiling!
Well that’s that and that’s all.
Sunday, February 1, 2009
q&a
mj wrote:
Its funny to think about the effect that some people can have on you. They effect you in such a way that you never know how you're going to react to it and thats what surprises you about yourself!
Someone wise told me that all you need to survive in this world are a hard heart, the ability to 'kiss-ass', a competitive spirit and tons of ambition. Now someone please correct me if im wrong- Napoleon was poisoned; Caesar was stabbed; Hitler committed suicide and even Mahatma Gandhi though different from all these 'so-called qualities' was assassinated.
So now there are only two conclusions: 1: The person who told me was completely dumb and 2: You never know what life is going to throw at you so give up trying to be completely ready because life is something that happens to you after you have made all your fool-proof plans!
i answered :
there is a contradictory notion in what you have written and i am glad that i have got this platform to comment upon it... you begin by telling that someone wise told u so and so... but then at the same time you say the person is dumb... this is amply confusing...
now then the names you have mentioned before... all these people that you have mentioned in the list are all the biggest ass kissers in the world...i even include the mahatma in this... (hope no one takes this into offense) they would not have reached there where they have reached if they hadn't kissed... i totally agree with the fact they were poisoned, stabbed, assassinated or killed themselves... but have u wondered why? don't u think the power they had at hand was more than they could handle... in a small way don't u think a little enthusiasm over the board made them lose the way? (i am barring the Mahatma from all this, k?) i mean if they were to have a little control of themselves... then they could have ruled over this world... such people don't survive... personally kissing ass people make it into the real world... but one who can kiss ass and keep their mouth shut survive in this world... sadly though gratefully neither napolean, caesar or hitler was able to do that... so point to be noted...
and who speaks abt life? no one knows whats in store for them... but one has to know how to brace urself... u get thrown in the sea? what do u do? u thrash around... you move ur arms and legs... u work till u teach urself how to swim... it's always like that... i don't think anyone would have planned on their life in any way... even the so called "wise dumb" person would say that... coz life is what we thought yesterday that is today and today that is tomorrow... full of surprises... hope i've made the point clear out there as well...
and as for the writing... i think i've already told u abt the crisper aspect... write on... ;)
Its funny to think about the effect that some people can have on you. They effect you in such a way that you never know how you're going to react to it and thats what surprises you about yourself!
Someone wise told me that all you need to survive in this world are a hard heart, the ability to 'kiss-ass', a competitive spirit and tons of ambition. Now someone please correct me if im wrong- Napoleon was poisoned; Caesar was stabbed; Hitler committed suicide and even Mahatma Gandhi though different from all these 'so-called qualities' was assassinated.
So now there are only two conclusions: 1: The person who told me was completely dumb and 2: You never know what life is going to throw at you so give up trying to be completely ready because life is something that happens to you after you have made all your fool-proof plans!
i answered :
there is a contradictory notion in what you have written and i am glad that i have got this platform to comment upon it... you begin by telling that someone wise told u so and so... but then at the same time you say the person is dumb... this is amply confusing...
now then the names you have mentioned before... all these people that you have mentioned in the list are all the biggest ass kissers in the world...i even include the mahatma in this... (hope no one takes this into offense) they would not have reached there where they have reached if they hadn't kissed... i totally agree with the fact they were poisoned, stabbed, assassinated or killed themselves... but have u wondered why? don't u think the power they had at hand was more than they could handle... in a small way don't u think a little enthusiasm over the board made them lose the way? (i am barring the Mahatma from all this, k?) i mean if they were to have a little control of themselves... then they could have ruled over this world... such people don't survive... personally kissing ass people make it into the real world... but one who can kiss ass and keep their mouth shut survive in this world... sadly though gratefully neither napolean, caesar or hitler was able to do that... so point to be noted...
and who speaks abt life? no one knows whats in store for them... but one has to know how to brace urself... u get thrown in the sea? what do u do? u thrash around... you move ur arms and legs... u work till u teach urself how to swim... it's always like that... i don't think anyone would have planned on their life in any way... even the so called "wise dumb" person would say that... coz life is what we thought yesterday that is today and today that is tomorrow... full of surprises... hope i've made the point clear out there as well...
and as for the writing... i think i've already told u abt the crisper aspect... write on... ;)
Sunday, January 11, 2009
when everyone's not there
“We need others. We need others to love and we need to be loved by them.
There is no doubt that without it, we too, like the infant left alone, would cease
to grow, cease to develop, choose madness and even death.” - Leo Buscaglia
Do you know the feeling of being invisible? The thought of being in denial aplenty? What do you do then? Sit quiet? Listen passively? Or react adversely? Haven't all of you been through this phase once in ur life?
The time and pain you take in realizing someone else's dream is far from the sight of the person that you are doing it for. What then? Is it required to live for someone who is living without a dot of appreciation?
Even when everyone knows that the only person around you who can make you feel better is not there for you, won't you feel alone? Won't you crave for a bit of company? I wonder how many of you ever felt so?
The breeze that flows around has seen a lot. It whispers in my ear from time to time. I can hear it say. It gave me hopes and smiles. Even in my solitude, i wish for a company. For now the wind has gone. For now, i have lost.
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
beginning
A small victory. An unending overwhelming heartiness. Celebrations all around. Ear deafening raptures. All this while, a position above the one below the top was mere nothingness to me. But to be there on the top is quite an exhilarating experience. Your blood rushes, your pace increases, hugs pass around like there’s no tomorrow. Yes, we won. A small victory. With wishes to do more, and hope to aspire much, we take it in as a fresh start to this year and believe that there are miles to go before I sleep. And miles to go before I sleep.
Thursday, January 1, 2009
Mirrored Mirage
I’m a thief
By means all I say not
I’m unimagined
I’m the dark in the white
The black in the light
I’m the hole in the gap
If I was right
Then why am I wrong?
Is in me then,
The cause of worry?
Across, afar
I come see a mirror
A presentiment abides
In what I see
I am a thief
I shall not know why.
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